Twins trade Gomez to Brewers for JJ Hardy...

...and so ends the entire "Johan Santana for a bag of peanuts" that Bill Smith engineered a few years ago. That ended well, Bill. Thanks.

This is actually pretty good, in my estimation, for the Twins. Despite, the Twins having a fairly cheap, serviceable alternative in Orlando Cabrera to fill the shortstop spot next year, JJ Hardy is most CERTAINLY a defensive upgrade over Cabrera. His offensive numbers are somewhat of an unknown quantity. He had great offensive years in '07 and '08 but struggled mightily in '09, eventually being shipped to Triple-A in favor of the Brewers' "shortstop of the future". But even with last year's bump, his career numbers are good and he provides the consistent pop that Cabrera simply cannot provide. The combination of defensive range and even offensive POTENTIAL upgrades the infield significantly...even if we have a rally-killer slated to play second base every day.

The problem with the trade, however, is that the Twins got rid of one of the best defensive center fielders in baseball to get him. The team had a log-jam in the outfield, no doubt. However, I would have liked to see an opening lineup of Denard Span in left (where he's at his best in my opinion), Carlos Gomez in center (where he has few rivals) and Michael Cuddyer in right (where he's most certainly holds his own). Delmon Young does not belong on any team's opening day starting roster. He's a terrible defensive outfielder and his bat isn't any better than Gomez's was. And with neither of them getting on base very often, at least Gomez had the potential to steal a base or two. Delmon needs a walking lead just to go first-to-third on a double. Plus, I LIKED Gomez. He had energy and he liked to smell his bat. Delmon, on the other hand, has no energy and prefers to THROW his bat. So despite taking a leap forward in the infield production, the Twins potentially take a step or two back in the outfield.

The trick is, however, that the infield improvements seem to outweigh the outfield shitburger. And for that reason, I think the team did a service here.

Next order of business should be to pair Casilla with someone and get something...anything. Bill Smith is good at getting the bare minimum for people...that's all I'm asking here.

In closing...apparently, "shitburger" isn't recognized by Google's magical spelling hamster. Get on that guys.

DSU Students Found...

...but unfortunately, they were not found alive. The Stark County authorities pulled the vehicle from a stock pond NW of Dickinson at around 4:45pm tonight. It had been completely submerged with the three girls inside. At the recent news conference, it was stated that the police still do not believe any foul play was involved. However, a proper investigation will be conducted, including autopsy's. It must be stated that, despite the horrible treatment local law enforcement got in the comments section of the online daily paper, they did a fine job in this instance and thanks must be given to them and their efforts in finding the three girls.

This is a terrible outcome to a very frightening situation. My heart goes out to the families, friends and teammates of the three girls. I'm truly sorry for your loss. I can't imagine.

There is an update on the Dickinson Press website and locals have been commenting in hoards.

ESPN has picked up the story too.

3 Students/Girls Softball Players Missing from Dickinson State University

...search parties forming as we speak. If you are able, please contact local law enforcement. Please be on the lookout for them or their vehicle (1997 Jeep Cherokee California plates 3UBN521). All three girls are members of the DSU Softball team. The names and pictures are as follows:

*

ASHLEY NUEFELD

*

KYRSTIN GEMAR

*

AFTON WILLIAMSON

No image available on DSU's website.

*

The Dickinson Press is currently has a running article after a local news conference. Apparently, one of the young ladies called for help but the line was disconnected thereafter. The girls are thought to perhaps have been out "stargazing" in Southwestern, ND as they were apt to do in the past. The distress call was described as "hysteric". The Stark County Sheriff, however, has stated that foul play is not expected at this time. If anyone has any information about the whereabouts of these young women, I would advise them to contact the Dickinson Police Department immediately. The phone number for the DPD is 701-456-7759.

Thank you.

UPDATE: Apparently, the Dickinson Police Department has forced the group to cancel their search party, which is probably a good idea considering how hastily it was thrown together. We don't need any more people getting lost. However, I am wondering what the DPD is planning as far as community volunteer-coordinated searches because they WILL happen, whether they like it or not.

UPDATE: It appears that the national news has picked up the story as well. If you'd like to view another picture of the girls and read another report, go HERE. Gemar's father called in for a telephone interview about the current circumstances surrounding the search.

UPDATE: The Press is REPORTING (following a morning news conference) that someone may have spotted the girls at the Buckskin Bar in Killdeer on Sunday night/early Monday morning although those reports have not, as of yet, been confirmed. It also reported that a dive search of Dickinson's Patterson Lake has concluded to no avail. Prayer services were held at Dickinson State last evening and comments have flooded the Dickinson Press article mentioned above. It appears as though locals are discouraged that the local authorities will not allow organized searching and are frustrated at the scant details they are being told from the local papers and Police Departments.

UPDATE: The DPD is also requesting that any professional searching agencies contact the Dickinson Police Department at the number provided above.

UPDATE: CBC news report HERE

UPDATE: National Guard and Customs are coming to the area to help search

UPDATE: The Dickinson Press's Sports Editor Dustin Monke has done a touching blog entry about the successful DSU athletic weekend, the discovery that the girls had gone missing and the campus prayer service that followed.

UPDATE: It appears as though the talented person who created this blog's header cartoon (Julie Neidlinger) is involved in the aerial search for the young ladies. Check out her blog post and picture HERE.

UPDATE: Those UND Sioux sports fans that are looking to voice their support or offer any knowledge can do so at THIS Siouxsports.com link.

UPDATE: Dickinson Press updated to include quote from local officials which states that "developments have been made" in case. A 3pm news conference had been scheduled but was later cancelled. Another news conference has been scheduled later tonight and, as the article states, shall provide a "resolution to the issue". I'm sorry, but that particular line does not sound good. I hope I'm wrong.

UPDATE: My wife just texted me to tell me that NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams may be doing a report on the missing girls tonight during their program. I haven't been able to see their scheduling lineup from the crude internet investigating that I've done, but just know that it's a possibility.

UPDATE: Unfortunately, the girls have been discovered inside their vehicle. They had been submerged in a local stockpond. None of them have survived.

Hitler's vehicles being sold for 9 million bones...

...and you can get three of them for that price! Who doesn't want a few 6-wheeled war wagons owned by the der fuhrer? And for that number, who can pass them up?

I came across this article when perusing CNN.com today. The article states that "[t]he cars have six wheels, built for Hilter to drive through the blown out streets of conquered countries. There’s a parade car for Hitler and his mistress Eva Braun, a luggage car that doubled as an ambulance, and a radio car."

But that's not the interesting part of the article. Instead, at least for UND alumni, is the part of the article that discusses who is selling the vehicles.

"Adrain is a friend of the owner; he specializes in hard to sell items. The former owner of the Imperial Palace Casino in Vegas used to own them; he says they didn’t get out much then either."

Do you know who used to own the Imperial Palace in Las Vegas? That's right, former UND Sioux goalie, philanthropist and Nazi-lover...the late Ralph Engelstad. Is a new Tennis court going up on campus? Maybe the hockey team needs heated helmets? The possibilities are plentiful.

Yankees lose game 1 at home...

...handily.

They were never in it. They were stymied. And I love it. Nothing better than a collection of bought and paid-for juice monkeys and their entitled fans getting their asses handed to them, at home, by a National League squad.

My favorite stat? Look who laid a big, fat goose-egg? Our friend A-Rod.

Really, besides the only real winner on the squad, Jeter, they struggled to find any offense at all. So what are the Yankees expecting to do when they head out to Philly for games 3 and 4 and they have to take one of those bats out of the lineup? Leave Matsui in the outfield and let him hobble after balls? Let Matsui sit on the bench and watch Nick Swisher, who's having a more Swisher-like postseason, get killed by two lefties in Cole Hamels and Lee? Maybe they lay all their hopes on Andy Pettite (another confirmed, yet media-beloved cheater) and CC to provide some offense? I'll tell you what; the way Girardi runs a bullpen, it's going to be a treat to see him handle the double-switches, pinch hitting and relief management that comes with a National League ballpark.

I'm so excited after game one, that I can't wait to watch game two. And if the Yanks go down 0-2 at the hands of the hated nemesis of Don Zimmer, Pedro Martinez, I'll be as happy as a pig in shit. Here's to round two of the 250 million dollar pharmacy getting bullied in their billion dollar stadium in front of ten-cent fans.

UPDATE: With Texiera, Cano and A-Rod not hitting (although A-Rod did heat up last game) the Yanks have still managed to win games due to decent pitching from CC and a red-hot Johnny Damon. They also got a boost, in Philly, from their Pettite...which totally blows my post out of the water. It also helps their cause that Ryan Howard has been abysmal and Cole Hamels wishes the season were over. The Phills powered past the Yanks last night to draw within one, but they still have to go to NY and win two, which I really do not see happening.

Uvular Discontent...

...I woke up this morning and I had a ridiculous pain in my throat. As mentioned in the post below, I am just now recovering from a touch of the 'ol Pork Flu and I was REALLY hoping that this pain in my neck wasn't another round of that nonsense. I tried to swallow some spit and I shit you not, I thought someone had crept into my room and crammed an injured badger down my throat and at some point that badger shit out a broken light bulb...and then I gagged...and gagged again. I didn't know what the hell was going on. I tried to clear my throat (read "hock up phlegm") just like I do every morning and the badger shat another light bulb and I felt the weirdest sensation. It was like a part of my tonsils had come away from the back of throat and stuck itself to the back of my tongue. I quickly looked into the mirror to see what it was and to my dismay, my uvula had swollen to about the size of a ping-pong paddle. I couldn't talk. I couldn't swallow. I couldn't breath heavily. None of this without gagging. I must have sounded pitiful to my wife, who was still sleeping at the time....like I had decided today was as good a day as any to give bulimia a real sportin' try.

It was awful. I quickly took some ibuprofen and drank some water in an attempt to get it to un-swell. Then I went downstairs to do what any hypochondriac would do...search the Internet for the most ominous cause of my symptom. From all indications the problem I was experiencing was quite the dangerous situation. There were warnings that such a condition could lead to death by asphyxiation if not treated immediately and that the mortality rate was VERY high for infants and adults alike. This wasn't good. And each individual entry warned against the same fate. I was starting to get a little nervous. However, until that point I had forgotten what that little thing in the back of one's throat was called and had been referring to it as my "epiglottis" during all of the searches...which happens to be the curtain across one's airway. And apparently, that's quite the predicament. After remembering that it was NOT the epiglottis and was instead the uvula, I re-researched and came across numerous posts about how everyone experiences this type of thing at least once in their life and it may be from numerous causes...all very innocuous. You see, this is an example of why a shrink once told me not to do this type of thing. For starters, all of one's symptoms can lead back to some fatal issue (which I tend to hone in on like a smartbomb). I mean, a pain in my knee cap can be traced back to both me banging it on the coffee table BUT IT ALSO COULD MEAN TENDON CANCER...!!!! You see where that leads? Second, and more importantly in this case, I'm not fucking smart enough to even do the right search in the first place. I mean, if I have a nose bleed, the causation search results will be MUCH easier on the mind than if I mistakenly do a search for ANAL bleeding. It certainly helps to get these things right...especially when you're manic and gagging.

Well, I started to go through the potential causes. I didn't have strep throat due to the fact that I had been on Z-pack for the past 4 days and I figured that any bacterial infection that would have tried to get a foothold would have been exterminated long ago. It wasn't caused by snoring, either. Now, I snore with the best of them. In fact, if I have a couple beers and fall asleep on my back, Shanna may as well have fallen asleep next to a running chainsaw. But my wife also isn't afraid to hurt me immediately when the snoring starts. This elbow to the ribs or brisk shake of my head normally wakes me up enough for her to tell me to move to my side. So unless she put up with it all night (no way) there isn't a chance that I snored long enough to turn my uvula into the pink golf ball it had become. Much to my dismay, the only one of the listed causes that made a modicum of sense was "excessive breathing through the mouth". That's not an ego booster.

Eventually the Motrin kicked in and my throat went back to its normal size. And then I came to a very sobering realization. I'm such an obnoxious, cro-magnon mouth-breather that I actually cause myself INJURY while I sleep. It's like a teeth-grinder waking up one day having reduced his canines to zipper teeth. Not sexy at all.

Thank Jeebus that I'm married, cause I don't see this particular personality trait playing well on Match.com.

And the band played on...

...at least that particular HBO special is what our house resembled over the past week and a half only with barnyard flu instead of AIDS.

First, I came down with a wicked cough that simply would not go away. I never felt really ill. I was simply hacking my guts out and coughing up shit I could use to re-tuckpoint my brick house. I didn't really think it was anything but a cold or a version of the same chest problem I get every single winter. Normally I keep it to myself and don't pass it along. This was different.

My daughter got it. She started coughing and immediately. And when I say that my daughter is a "bad cougher" I'm understating things. The slightest tickle in her throat throws her into violent, spasm-like fits that almost always result in her tossing her lunch. In the week that she's had a cough, she's barfed on her bed once, her pillows three times, herself at least twice, my wife ...oh, and the floor this morning. The first time it happened, I wanted her to get more sleep, but there's just something about the smell of hot vomit in a 2-year-old's bedroom that screams "clean/change the sheets before sleeping". So while we changed her bedding, she went downstairs and she got to watch cartoons for a spell before going back to bed...this time without incident. But of course, her being the devil and all, she threw tact to the wind and used her illness to scam us for the three nights after, screaming from her room that she had "puked in her bed...DADDY!" only to find out that she had not barfed and simply wanted to come downstairs to watch TV again. It's amazing how some children are destined to be con artists from birth and how easily they can take a seemingly menacing situation like dehydration and "killer flu" and use it to acquire things as banal as tootsie rolls and additional tv time.

After my daughter got it, then my wife started to cough a little bit. I swear, it's like Captain Trips from King's "The Stand". One person coughs and it's all over...within days everyone has it. Anyway, my wife's infection seemed fairly innocuous at first. Then my oldest got ill. Now, my son doesn't GET ill. He's the model of health. Kid could swim naked in sewage for an afternoon and not get so much as a rash. But this sucker put him in a wicked state for a couple days...one morning resulting in a 103.5 temperature and a trip to the clinic to see the pediatrician. He was so feverish and hopped up on Tamiflu, Motrin and Tylenol that his eyes were glazed over. It takes a lot to slow him down but for 2 whole days he walked around looking like an extra from 28 Days Later.

Then my wife's infection got a little worse. She started to get really achey and lethargic. She was easily winded and dizzy. She was having a hard time handling all of the children (they were home due to the infection and the fact that the daycare was closed). But all the while she had been breast feeding our newborn, hoping that the anti-bodies she was producing would pass through and save him from having to deal with the fever and/or cough that the rest of us had experienced. (This, in and of itself, is going to get her into heaven if there is one. I can't imagine how shitty it must have been being sick with the flu and having to get up 4 times a night to feed a baby). Well, our luck continued for a day or so. But ultimately, Ollie came down with a fever and we were forced to take him to the clinic as well. He's now on infant Tylenol. Between the schedules for Tylenol, Motrin, Tamiflu and Delsym, our house is a model of personal medical organization. And it seems as though we've personally kept the Thera-flu and Vicks stocks afloat.

So now each person in my house is in varying stages of swine hell. I'm the closest to getting over it and am still hacking and my newborn son is so stuffed up he sounds like a turbo-diesel. We've spent the last three days indoors with little more than a faint glimpse of actual sunlight and it's going to be a while until we're all in game shape again. But I'm thankful that, as of today, we haven't been faced with any of the really serious breathing issues with anyone. It seems as though we might make it through this after all (knocking on each and every piece of wood in my office).

So what am I to take from this experience? Well, for starters I would direct some advice at those people who are skeptical of the safety of the vaccine. Let me put it this way...you may be leery of it but there are no empirical or real-life studies to lend any credence to your skepticism. On the other hand, I can tell you from personal experience that this virus certainly sucks ass and, in it's worse form, might kill you and your family. I'm no genius, but common sense tells me that GETTING the shot and avoiding possible death outweighs one's "gut feeling" that the vaccine MIGHT be dangerous. Besides, who the hell wants to spend any time at all at the clinic, what with all those people coughing and snorting and smelling of lysol and vomit?

So, just freakin' do it ya' hippy. You'll thank us guinea pigs later.

Would you pay to watch George W. Bush?

...check out this poll from CNN.com. Hilarious.

And the fact that no one wants to see him speak isn't the funny part. That's simply common sense. What's hilarious is that people wouldn't even shell out for admission what amounts to the average price of an Arby's order.

And........scene...

...the Twins are done folks. I hadn't posted about them for a significant amount of time due to 1) my wife having a baby and our house generally resembling an asylum and 2) the fact that I'm about as superstitious as they come with regards to baseball. I hadn't posted about them, they were winning, therefore I wasn't going to post about them at all. Likewise, I had worn a specific hat, backwards, with a specific T-shirt for all of the games down the stretch. I am quite certain this makes no difference (duh) but I'm just not willing to take the chance that it isn't. Hell, when the Twins lost to the Tigers in that last series, I was actually pissed off at MYSELF for putting the division title in jeopardy. After all, I hadn't been drinking my High Life Light out of my Twins logo pint glass. The nerve! So, in summary, the blog had to wait.

But now that the season has come to an abrupt end, I'm allowing myself to emote.

First things first, the polls that I had up all season came out quite close to reality. The Twins players who were voted "The Most Awesomest Dude on the Squad" were Denard Span and Joe Mauer. It's hard to argue those choices. Span put together a perfect lead-off season, getting on base, taking pitches and landing in the AL's top 10 in average, all the while playing some hellish defense at all three spots. Mauer had a pretty good year too...winning his third batting title, leading the league in slugging, OBP and average, coming up with clutch hits down the stretch and all-but-locking-up his first AL MVP award. Not bad. I'd have to give the award to Mauer. But while Span was quite good, I'd have to give the runner up to Gardy. That dude dealt with injuries, lost starters, a lost MVP first baseman, a bullpen from hell and...well...Delmon Young and he someone managed to keep his team plugging away until game 163. His hunches (what else have you got at that point) seemed to work well down the stretch and he can't be blamed for his team's moronic base running and the sudden inability of the second-best closer in the game to get three outs. I'm am NOT the biggest Gardy fan...but the dude deserves some serious credit for this one, regardless of the weak division.

The fans' votes for player who's "Currently Sucking the Most Ass" went to Nick Punto. Not a bad choice either. Despite the fact that Nick seemed to figure something out late in the year, and decided it actually WAS better for him to draw out his at-bats and get on base, he was absolutely TERRIBLE to begin the year, still averaged in the low .200s and made one of the worst base running errors of the year during the post-season. All of this, however, pales in comparison to my choice for CSMA 2009...Delmon Young. Dude. Is. Terrible. Granted, he had a stretch of about 15 games where he seemed to figure things out a bit. However, considering nothing really changed at all during this stretch (he was still incredibly undisciplined at the plate and he played nominal defense at best) I see it more as a combination of pitching mistakes and luck, rather than a legit increase in productivity. I'm sorry fans, this dude needs to be shelved. Carlos Gomez is in a much similar mold when it comes to immaturity and approach at the plate, but he has intangibles that Young does not...and will not ever...have. He has speed and defensive prowess. Gomez is deadly in the outfield. His Zone Rating is off the charts and the combination of he and Span is a combo many MLB teams would die for. Delmon plods. If there is a choice between the two, the front office must simply admit they got fleeced in the trade and move on.

In addition to Young, there are significant upgrades that need to be made. Funny, the same needs from LAST off season are present THIS off season. This is mainly due to the fact that Bill Smith did absolutely NOTHING to legitimately improve the squad during the winter of '08-'09. He waiting on the bullpen. He waited on the infield. He waited on the rotation. This year, with Target field opening and Joe Mauer up for re-signing...he can't wait. And with a GIGANTIC free agent class, it seems as though he has no choice but to upgrade where help is needed.

The left side of the infield is pathetic. Joe Crede played great defense and hit a few dingers...just like we all said he would...but his lack of durability showed through just as it's want to do at this point in his career. The remaining options...Matt Tolber, Brian Buscher and Brendan Harris are all quality utility men. However, none of them have the bat or defense to play every day. Chone Figgins, Mark DeRosa and Adrian Beltre are all names that should interest the Twins to fill that position. Orlando Cabrera plays every single day, showed that he can be counted on in the clutch and certainly changed the complexion of the clubhouse. But he's got an inconsistent bat and diminished defensive skills. I would not be opposed to resigning him at a good rate. After all, the available free agent shortstops are underwhelming and OLD and the thought of having Nick Punto play there every day is sickening.

Second base is currently housed by the aforementioned Nicky P. I like Nicky. I wish he were better. But truth be told, he's a damn good utility player with the ability to steal bases, pinch run and play every position in the infield. That's VERY valuable to a ball club. Unfortunately, his "rally killer" stretches where he's absolutely unusable during the season make it increasingly impossible to leave him at an every day position...and there are plenty of upgrades available for Bill Smith in free agency, including Orlando Hudson (I think), Freddy Sanchez, Placido Polanco and the aforementioned Mark DeRosa to name a few.

The Bullpen is also a source of contention for many Twins fans. Considering the state of things, leave Joe Nathan, John Rausch, Pat Neshek, Matt Guerrier and Jesse Crain...you can have the rest. Speaking of Joe Nathan...can Twins fans calm the fuck down please? He had more saves than any other single season in Twins history at 47 and he rarely struggled mightily. Granted, he gave up some important runs against the Yankees and Detroit, but he's the second best closer in baseball behind Rivera and there is no one...I mean NO ONE on the Twins club that could replace him. There isn't anyone in free agency that could replace him either. He struggled. Everyone does but for Rivera....and he's not going to be Rivera...ever. Get over it.

As for the rotation, I think we simply need to go out and get a number one arm. This becomes even more pressing with the White Sox addition of Jake Peavy. The Twins have got a good collection of number two and three starters, but they lack that stopper that is essential to all contending teams.

Oh, and can Scotty Ullger. That guy is a terrible third base coach.

So, there you have it. Suggestions? Disagreements? Donations?