Christmas Vacation redux...

So the Vikings managed to make the playoffs this year...wow. What's that gonna be like? I honestly don't remember what it feels like to enjoy January football. The last time they were still playing I was in Grand Forks visiting some friends, and I watched them lose to none other than the Philadelphia Eagles after putting a hurt lock on the hated, division winning Green Bay Packers the week prior. That team had Randy Moss. That team had Dante Culpepper. That team had Michael Bennett, Moe Williams and the Whizzanator himself. That team was not even CLOSE to the talent level of this year's team. We have home field advantage, a higher seed, the league's rushing leader and most dynamic offensive player, the league's best rushing defense, a couple of the world's sickest defensive linemen (including the return of the team's run-stopping plug, Pat Williams) and UND's darling Jim Kleinssauser. So, does this mean Vikings fans should celebrate their chances? Nope. Vikings fans are a curious bunch. Their teams history creates a funny paradox in that as their odds in favor of their favorite team increase, so does their cynicism. After all, the more people think the Vikings WILL win, the more likely it becomes that they will take a big shitburger on the 50.

In better news, Brett Favre managed to suck enough to get his coach fired, thereby solidifying himself in the annals of football douchebaggery. The guy is good, but talk about "tarnishing a legacy". The dude's a grade-A cocknose.

The Twins front office passes on the top tier free agents and manages to sign R.A. Dickey...a triple-A-bound knuckleballer from Seattle. But because he won't provide late inning relief, can't hit a dinger and can't play third base...I really don't give a shit.

The city of Dickinson currently has 79 Brazilian inches of snow and I own a corner lot. This is not cool. My sidewalk looks like a Colorado mountain pass right now.

The temperature managed to creep above 98 below zero this weekend and I managed to FINALLY get back to work on Geraldine. I am currently disassembling the interior and have discovered the remnant of the old black and red checkered tile. That was a nice surprise. This was tempered, however, by the fact that all of the dust and debris from the demolition made me hack until I barfed on the floor. That was NOT a nice surprise.

I have gained at least 10 pounds since December 1st. This as a result of cookies, candy, alcohol and general lethargy. I plan to work this off by resuming my weekly workouts which had been stalled by the son's preschool schedule. Like every good father, I have sacrificed my waistline for the sake of education.

Finally, amongst the ridiculously wonderful bounty I received (and hardly deserve) I must highlight a couple awesome gifts. First, one that I gave: I bestowed upon my sister's boyfriend (during a white elephant extravaganza) a fiberglass flowerpot (?) shaped like a green Hawaiian shirt with red flowers on it. I cut a hole in the back of it and stuffed it full of 100 Christmas lights and filled the top with the world's worst candies...Maple Nut Goodies, Mary Jane's, and those disgusting, multi-colored, Canadian, black licorice, mud-people candies. Needless to say, my father liked all of them. Second... one that I received: In addition to a gift certificate to further my raging caffeine addiction, I received a coffee cup featuring two dainty, white unicorns, one donning a wreath of flowers upon its head, framed by a pastel rainbow. It's true what they say...gay unicorn on unicorn hotness makes each and every sip of coffee/hot cocoa that much more enjoyable.

I'm hoping that everyone had a wonderful Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Festivus...and that everyone has a wonderful New Year's celebration. And for those that will have a crappy New Year's, I hope that each and every one of them finds a cheap bottle of booze and drinks themselves to the point where the pain is just a little bit less.

Cheers.